It's pretty obvious that most of my blogging inspiration comes from the people in my life. It's through conversations, glances, laughter, and even fighting that I experience the Lord's love and grace. It's how I grow in wisdom, usually lining myself up to those around me and realizing all the ways I fall short... (Side note: I know this might be a little negative, yes, I'm still working on comparison, but bear with me as I try to grow and can't help it that the people around me happen to be lightyears ahead of me sometimes!)
Let me let you in on a little secret about my life, something you might not pick up on just from reading this blog. Remember my sister Natalie, the one who I blog about waaayyyy too much? Well - I know it looks like we are always talking about the Lord and growing and being lovey-dovey sisters, but the secret truth is we fight. A lot. And not just silly things like "You borrowed my necklace, give it back!" But real, deep, honest, vulnerable, angry, scarring fights that have left both of us teary and broken and hurt.
And I just wanted to take a moment to shine truth on something.
My motivation for winning when I'm up against her always results in both of us losing. When I need to prove myself, I just distance myself. Somehow not caring always leave me crying.
The worst part about it is that it is so easy to get along. All it takes is being a bit more thoughtful, a touch more gracious, a little less selfish.
But you and I both already know how this works. The easiest things are the hardest. The right thing feels wrong in every part of us, the still small voice is overpowered by the screams of our selfish flesh. So we fight. And we cry. And we promise not to do it again. But then I do.
So will this be a never-ending cycle? Will I find this in my future? One day will I wake up married and know I've been having the same fight since I was a teenager?
Thankfully, the Lord uses broken people. He forgives us for the same, silly, stupid sins we can't seem to grow out of.... and instead of focusing on the pattern of our sin, we can turn our perspective to see the pattern of his grace. And know that one day we will be out of this, we will have matured and grown, and one day I'll be lay awake late at night, fighting tears over my daughter's fights, just wanting them to live out their love for each other. And both tonight and in that far-off-in-the-distance moment, I know and will cling to the fact that the Lord is alive and at work and His grace is bigger than a fight or a sin or even a sister-clothing-thief.